1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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