I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
