If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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