We won't sleep together?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
