I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize