idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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