Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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