you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
