I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
