We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
