lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
