White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
