you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
