he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
