even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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