I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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