It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
