fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I love you. Go after that dick
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
