Plan B is the new Plan A
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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