Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I skipped work to stalk him.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
