Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
