I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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