She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Someone shit on the floor
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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