So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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