My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Randomize
