i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just pee around me
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize