i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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