I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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