i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
