When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
