Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
