I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
being pregnant is like rehab
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
