is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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