idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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