A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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