Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
