It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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