I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
