Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize