What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
