I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
These 21 FaceApped Celebrities Will Make You LOL
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!