Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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