Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.