yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
