There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.