dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
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I just googled if crying burns calories
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
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He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.