The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?