about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃