We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.