i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
