I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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