Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
