No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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