So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
