i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
