how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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