The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
this is an emotional support booty call
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
