I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
