I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
