things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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