How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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