so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
