I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
