Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She's the barista slut.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
