I love black thongs
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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