At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
