bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
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People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
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I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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