my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
