he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
