Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
