Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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