that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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